so Joe and I have an appointment with a doc on the 30th. We’re going to talk about our pregnancy options. There. I said it. We’re thinking about kids. And all of this thinking about how to get pregnant makes me wonder what kind of parent will I be? What if something happens to me or Joe? What then? Pregnancy vs. adoption. Jesus. There are still days when I wake up and just wish, wish with all my heart, that we could just get pregnant. I’m not sad about it. I’m not bitter or resentful. There are just days when I wish that it didn’t have to be such a process.
I’m sure that I want to parent. I’m sure we’ll be fine parents, silly parents, loving parents. But what about all the stuff we’re going to have to explain to our kids. What if they hate us for it? It’s at that point in my thought process that I wonder if we shouldn’t. Choosing to parent seems like a very selfish endeavor. Maybe the selflessness involved in parenting makes up for it somehow. I am scared to be a mother. What if I mess it up? What if I don’t?
Lots to think about. What do you think?
